11:08 p.m. - 2009-04-14
Day with Loyce
The day started with Loyce pounding on the door and calling my phone...OH MY GOSH. I had forgotten about my appointment to have my sutures removed.
We raced to the plastic surgeon's office where I half lay back on a high table staring over the toes of my boots at Loyce. If we were at a play she would have the best seat in the house. I almost laughed knowing she was being forced to watch as the nurse removed the stitches from around my nipples and breasts.
I finished sitting up and looked down at my breasts. If they were fruit I would have tossed them out. They resembled lumpy oranges, except for the picaso style nipples. They looked like a 2nd grade art project. Loyce walked over to me and closed the gown. She hugged me and said they would heal and be fine.
Jim called as we were leaving, the second call of the day. He sounded very up-beat and really had nothing to say except for the fishing to find out what was going on and to tell me he had to go to bed early. This is a red-flag. He never called for nothing and was only up-beat when he thought sex would be involved.
I wasn't going to worry. He probably met her on the internet with the same 10 year old picture he had posted when he met me on Match.com 4 years ago. He would be a huge disappointment to any woman with self-esteem, but I had none and that meant he would never be able to do better than me, especially where looks are concerned.
We went to our next appointment, Guided Imagery at the U. Loyce could hear Clair's voice as she walked me back to the lobby and asked me if Clair was a woman. "Barely, but I think that's why I like her." I then remembered telling Clair her voice was very soothing like my ex-father inlaws. OH God, did she think I was saying she sounded like a man? Why don't I just sit there and say nothing during my therapy sessions like other people.
While waiting for Loyce at the dentist, I transferred my printed appointment sheets to my appointment notebook. An hour later she came out smiling, happy they had saved her bridge. Later we sat at Chili's as I picked the meat out of my salad and pouring Agave Nectar in my iced tea (no hormone infested chicken or sugar poIson for me) when I noticed my notebook was gone. "Oh no, I don't have my notebook, the green one with my appointments!" I started to panic. We called the dentist but the office was closed.
I explained to Loyce the importance of the cancer notebook, the cancer folder, and the cancer drawer. The notebook is where you keep all your appointment dates and doctors. Those appointments are what save your life, you must have one if you want to live. The folder is for test results to take to your doctor, oncologist, surgeon and anyone else who can give you an educated opinion. The cancer drawer is for surgery clothes..the ones that button down the front and won't bunch up in your crotch when you're half out of it..and a few comfy cute lounge outfits to wear when you're not depressed. We finished lunch...dinner..meal times run together you're not working, and headed out to Karen's.
It was raining when we left the restaurant. It reminded me of the day I was told I have cancer and I instinctively touched my breast through the thin sports bra. Oh God, I couldn't feel my right nipple! Loyce was slowing to stop at a red light "OH NO, it's dead, my nipple is dead!" Loyce looked horrified as I reached down the top of my shirt and tried to resurrect it. "Sheila, it's fine, really, just stop before you knock it off or something...that man in the next car is staring.."
I didn't care, I pulled up my shirt to look at it, exposing my Frankenstein breast to examine it for discoloration. Loyce reached in her purse and pulled out her ashtma inhaler "Oh god I can't take it" she said as she took a few puffs and looked over at the man in the next car who didn't even bother to look away.
"What should I do, do you want me to pull over?" I put my shirt down and took a breath "I can't resuurect the dead, just forget it."
Karen was beautiful, even with stage 3 cancer. I couldn't help but wonder if chemo could do that for me. She looked like a manniquin and I noticed she still had perfect hair. She said the next round of chemo would cause it to fall out and showed us the wigs she had bought and said we could borrow them anytime - me for when I'm bald, Loyce when she just wanted to look different. We tried them on, laughing, enjoying the scented candles and the company, knowing I wasn't alone in my battle against cancer. The view was beautiful from Karen's condo as we sat and talked, Karen in one of the cute lounge outfits from her cancer drawer. I wondered where she got it.
On the way home I couldn't help but to think how great Karen looked and how I was going to start working out as soon as I could. Loyce looked over, "This was fun, we'll have to do it more often." I was hoping we could do it without the doctors appointments, but I agreed and added "Maybe tomorrow when we get my notebook from your dentist."
"Oh, that's okay" she said, "I was going to pick that up for you when I go to the gym. I thought I would start going again." I couldn't help but smile. It seems Karen had given us both inspiration. Rock on sister Karen!!
